You can answer in one honest sentence, such as “It’s a hard season, but thank you for asking.” No research supplies a script, so that wording is Change.Life’s own. In an August 2025 American Psychological Association survey, 69% of U.S. adults said they needed more emotional support in the past year than they received.
Why is “How are you doing?” so hard to answer over the holidays?
Sherry Cormier, PhD, describes two pressures in the American Psychological Association’s article on grief during the holiday season. One is “a cognitive dissonance between you feeling heartbroken and being around people.” The other is “the expectation to be happy and celebratory and grateful.”
A friendly question can land on both at once. A polite answer and a true answer may differ, and the holidays tend to put people in rooms where the question gets asked many times.
The article also quotes Therese Rando, PhD, who says, “Hopefully the grieving person will be given permission to talk about Mom during the holidays.” Her wording points to a different need, which is having at least one person to give the full answer to.
How many people feel they lack support?
The American Psychological Association’s Stress in America 2025 release, based on a Harris Poll of 3,199 U.S. adults conducted August 4 to 24, 2025, reports that nearly seven in 10 (69%) said they needed more emotional support in the past year than they received. APA CEO Arthur C. Evans Jr., PhD, said the findings show “they’re feeling disconnected.”
Loneliness shows up in holiday data too. In the American Psychiatric Association’s November 2025 Healthy Minds Poll of 2,203 U.S. adults, nearly one in three said they were worried about being lonely (31%) during the holidays.
Neither survey was limited to people who are grieving, so the figures describe adults in general. They show that a gap between the support people need and the support they receive is common.
What are some short answers to use?
These examples are Change.Life’s own wording. They are illustrations and do not come from research. Each shares a different amount.
“It’s a hard season for me this year, and I appreciate you asking.” “I am taking it one day at a time. Thank you for checking in.” “I miss my mom a lot right now. Would you like to hear a favorite memory?” “I would rather not get into it today. How are you?”
The first two give a true answer and move on. The third invites a longer conversation. The fourth sets a limit and returns the question. A person can use different answers with different people, and none of the cited sources says one is better than another.
What does this page not cover?
This page does not tell any reader how much to share, and it does not replace care from a licensed clinician. It does not cover how to support someone else who is grieving, how to respond at work, or what to do when a question feels intrusive or unsafe.
The full guide, How Do You Get Through the Holidays After a Loss?, covers family expectations and permission to do the holidays differently. For why the season can feel heavy to begin with, see Is It Normal to Dread the Holidays After Someone Dies?.
The statistics on this page describe groups of people, not any one reader. Each statistic is linked to its source, with the source’s date stated in the text.
Frequently asked questions
The American Psychiatric Association’s prolonged grief disorder page says that bereavement support groups and peer support “can also provide a useful source of social connection and support.” The holiday grief article quotes Therese Rando, PhD, on the value of being given permission to talk about the person who died.
Worry about loneliness is common. In the American Psychiatric Association’s November 2025 poll, 31% of U.S. adults said they were worried about being lonely during the holidays. Sherry Cormier, PhD, describes a cognitive dissonance between feeling heartbroken and being around people, which can happen in a full room.
The sources cited here do not prescribe one. Cormier names “the expectation to be happy and celebratory and grateful” as a holiday pressure, which may be why a single answer does not fit every conversation. The examples on this page differ in how much they share.