There is no single right answer, and many people do some of both. A 2023 systematic review of research on staying connected to a person who died named comfort and distress among its main themes. The American Psychological Association’s holiday grief article poses questions such as which traditions you would rather not do.
Does research favor keeping traditions or starting new ones?
Research does not favor one over the other. A 2023 mixed-studies systematic review by Helen Hewson, Niall Galbraith, Claire Jones, and Gemma Heath examined continuing bonds, meaning ongoing connections with a person who died, such as memories, communication, and beliefs. The team searched six databases, screened 319 studies, and included 79.
Their analysis produced three themes: comfort and distress, ongoing bonds and relational identity, and uncertainty, conceptualizing, and spirituality. The authors conclude that the results “shed light on the adaptive potentials for CBs,” meaning continuing bonds. The abstract does not report that continuing bonds reliably improve grief outcomes, and distress is one of its three themes.
The abstract also does not address holiday traditions specifically. It is background research on staying connected to a person who died, and a tradition is one possible form of that.
When does keeping an old tradition make sense?
Keeping a tradition can make sense when it keeps the person present in the day. Therese Rando, PhD, author of How to Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies, is quoted in the American Psychological Association’s article on grief during the holiday season saying, “It’s important to hear Mom’s name, or how every year she would burn those turnips.” In the same article she says, “It’s not true when you lose people in your life that you don’t continue to have them in your heart and mind.”
The article also suggests continuing a tradition that children shared with the person who died. Because the 2023 review lists comfort and distress as one of its themes, a tradition that brings both on the same day is a recognized experience.
When does starting a new tradition make sense?
Starting a new tradition can make sense when an old one points at the loss more than a person can carry this year. In the American Psychiatric Association’s November 2025 Healthy Minds Poll of 2,203 U.S. adults, nearly one in three said they were worried about dealing with challenging family dynamics (32%) or being lonely (31%). Worries like these are among the things people weigh when deciding how to spend a holiday.
Robin F. Goodman, PhD, assistant director of public education and bereavement at Child HELP Partnership at St. John’s University, says in the American Psychological Association’s article, “I think what’s most important is that people make it meaningful to them and make it personal.” The article’s examples of personal memorials include visiting the grave and pouring out a toast. The article also poses questions such as whether there are traditions you would rather not do and whether you want to celebrate in the same place.
What does this page not cover?
This page does not tell any reader what to do, and it does not diagnose grief or replace care from a licensed clinician. The research cited concerns bereavement after a death. It does not cover divorce, estrangement, infertility, or other losses, and it does not address how traditions and mourning customs differ by culture or faith.
It also does not offer a full list of ways to adapt a tradition or talk to family about changes. The complete guide, How Do You Get Through the Holidays After a Loss?, covers those topics. For why the season can feel heavy to begin with, see Is It Normal to Dread the Holidays After Someone Dies?.
The statistics on this page describe groups of people, not any one reader. Each is linked to its source, with the source’s date stated in the text.
Frequently asked questions
Yes. Many people do some of both. The American Psychological Association’s holiday grief article poses planning questions that include whether you want to celebrate in the same place and whether you can handle an all-day celebration. Place and length are two things a tradition can change without ending it.
Neither source cited here says so. Therese Rando, PhD, is quoted by the American Psychological Association saying it is not true that you stop having lost people “in your heart and mind.” A 2023 systematic review found comfort and distress among the ways people experience ongoing bonds, so reactions vary.
That can happen. A 2023 systematic review of 79 studies on ongoing bonds with a person who died named comfort and distress as one of its three themes, so a mixed or shifting reaction is part of what researchers describe. Reactions differ by person, and a single page cannot predict yours.